I’m not much different than many of you. Things like running and working out aren’t easy for me. So my road has always been hard. And out of the gate I always think I should be at the finish line before I’ve even started the race. Nutrition has been a learning curve experience for me. Once again, learning the hard way. If at first you don’t succeed try try again?
“What if I Fall? Oh, but my darling what if you fly?”
So through years of starting something and getting mad at myself for not being “good enough” or good enough, fast enough and then quitting. And after years of experimenting with DIEts and just gaining weight again. And after trying to begin things for all the wrong reasons. You come full circle and learn your lessons and learn them well.
Examples?? Lets take a walk back through my time machine…
“What if I Fall?”
I joined team RWB with my husband (who is a runner and I had never run a day in my life) because we were looking for hobbies we could do together. We’re both trying to lead healthier lifestyles so running sounded like a great idea. Added benefit is that Team RWB also does a whole lot of volunteer work in the community. Well long story short, I went out and tried to run from day one, to keep up with people who were running under 16 minute miles. I couldn’t do it. My legs were like dead weights. The muscles in my legs were aged wayyyyy beyond my years. I should have just said to everyone, hey I can only walk and I should have stuck to that and built strength. But oh no pride and embarrasment set in and instead I just avoided everything, even walking. Even strength training. Why? Because I wanted to be at the finish line before I even started the race. Back in time now to current day. I’m now doing things the right way. Sure I can’t run with the super fast. But you know what I found out? I walk as fast, or faster than some run! I’m now still just a beginner and I’m solid with that. I am using Jeff Galloways run/walk/run training (http://www.jeffgalloway.com/training/run-walk/) and I’m learning and training these legs of mine!
We can blame the whole world if we want. Our Mother, past friendships, past boyfriends, or things that happened to us in our past. But the bottom line is we have to decide to overcome those excuses and see that excuses are just that, excuses. We get in our own way. I was in my own way. I was sabotaging myself.
I don’t envy people because I truly look up to people who can run a 9 minute mile and am happy for all who can rock a bikini with confidence. But I’ve always had a problem with comparison. It causes me embarrassment and anger towards myself. And I let that affect my own self confidence and my own sense of self worth. You can see how this can affect everything from socializing to business. But I am facing this demon now and I am finding that self love I should have known when I was just a kid.
Loving myself for who I am, where I am now. It’s always been so hard for me to just be ok with “me”. Instead of looking at all the good that’s in me, any accomplishments I’ve made, or skills I do master, I focus on what I can’t do, what’s I’m not good enough at. Never good enough. Yeah I’m just now working on the things that I’ve suffered with since I was just a kid.
Once upon a time ago I only saw the first part of this quote ““What if I Fall?”. I’ve learned so much over the last 5 years and it’s truly been life changing. So many of us need to face the things our child self never did in order to lead happier healthier lives. Now I’m happy to say I’m try to keep my eye focused only on the second part of that quote.
“Oh, but my darling what if you fly?”
And this is where I am, finally finding my Zen. Running To Zen isn’t jsut about running. It’s about finding my zen (balance, happiness, joy) in every aspect of life. And if I can, through inspiration, recommendation, or support, I want to help you on your journey to finding yours ღ