Too many tears, so… here’s to new beginnings

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Where to start?

Bare with me, this may be a long read…

It’s been a long long spring/summer. A lot has happened and life has changed. There’s been so much sadness for me and my hubby the last several months. I have avoided blogging because so much has happened and I’ve been unsure what direction life would take me in and I needed to hit the pause button.

Back tracking, we made a big move from Virginia to New Jersey for my hubby’s job. He had a change of position. One we thought would be a good one, or at least a chill one giving us the time we needed to spend with his family in New Jersey. To say the move so far has been hell would be accurate. At least we had one big bright shining spot that at least dulled the ache we had/have in our hearts.

Those that follow my blog know how much our furkids meant to us. They are family, our kids. We used to have a fur family of 4 cats and one spoiled Chihuahua. We lost our cats Odin and Buster a few years ago. They were similar in age and passed away within a year of each other. They did live good long lives filled with more love than they could handle. And we lost our Chihuahua to cancer shortly after that. Once again in similar age group for their breeds and size. I was devastated. Buster had been my cat for 22 years, Odin was nothing but love and our Chihuahua, Ippo was my savior as a waded through some depression. She also was 5lbs of pure love and devotion to me. She healed my broken heart when we lost Buster. This left Tinka Belle and Loki. They were a few years younger than Buster and Odin and we felt we owed it to them to let them run the house and not adopt anyone new. We wanted to focus on giving them all the attention. They always seemed to be stuck playing second fiddle to the other three and we wanted them to be the spoiled ones.

We moved in December and since then, both Tinka and Loki have crossed the rainbow bridge to be with the rest of the clowder/pack (our family of furkids). Both it is believed had cancer as well.

And in between the two of them, another devastation.
You know that rule of three thing?
Yeah.
My sister passed away.

Tinka passed in April
My sister passed in June
Loki passed in August

 

Huge chunks of my world crashed.
Too much loss, too close together.

And somewhere in the middle of all this chaos, we found volunteer positions that was inspiring all sorts of plans and goals for me. I felt alive with new possibility and a bit of the heaviness of my heart was lifted. Helping wildlife. Helping sick, orphaned and injured animals to rehabilitate to be release back into the wild after they healed. I found hope in all their little faces. It’s inspired me to perhaps get more involved and go back to school for wildlife rehabilitation. And I am still inspired, but…

We had to leave the volunteer positions because of time issues and Loki getting sicker. The positions required us very few call off days and we exceeded, or new we would exceed this with Loki’s declining health. They only need volunteers through the summer months. So we plan to go back next summer. It’s one of the most fulfilling things I have ever experienced.  But meanwhile, something that was helping to heal my heart, was lost.

You still with me?

So there was a light in this deep dark tunnel. And it wasn’t a light for me, but it was and is a light that affects me. Because me isn’t just me, it’s we. Yeah, the hubby found a little light in the midst of all the loss and sadness.

When we moved to New Jersey he/we had a big goal and that was that he would try to get a promotion at work that’s he’s been working so hard to get. And I’ve suffered for this too, through missing him through some long hours he puts in.

And yayyyyy, he’s getting that promotion on Friday!!

We needed this. We needed something good to happen. Between vet bills and an unexpected trip to Ohio for my sister, we needed this!! This promotion may lead us in some new directions and eventually another location change. But it’s opening up a new chapter in our lives. I wished that our furkids were here to celebrate with us. I wish I could call my sis to tell her the big news. But life moves forward and is ever changing. And somehow we learn how to survive and how to cope and build new dreams while keeping those we’ve lost safe in our hearts while we heal.

Oh, and yeah we do plan on adopting another furbaby at some point. One for now, some time soon. We are having the marital debate of; cat or dog first. I keep floating back and forth. I’ve had a cat my entire adult life, so it’s odd not having that aloof presence in my life. He (the hubby), thinks I need a dog first. He thinks a dog will help mend my broken heart just that little bit quicker with a dog.

I’ve been looking at kittens and Chihuahuas & Yorkies.
He (the hubby) has been looking at Italian Greyhounds and Border Collies.
All on Petfinder right now. We eventually will brave the shelters.
We want a younger one. I’ve always adopted the older and sometimes sick ones. I can’t purposefully walk back into that fire yet. ps….

Adopt Don’t Shop 😻

 

I’m not an Arbonne Independent Consultant anymore either. I’m not a hater though. I just don’t use their products very much. I’ve found others that work better and less expensive that I’m happy with. I’m thinking of dabbling in the essential oils business because those I use allllllllll the time. Personally and professionally. So it’s a better fit for my business goals. But more about that in a few months.  I’m still “technically” a consultant and can answer any questions you have or help you navigate the website. But that’s only till April.

As far as the blog is concerned. I’m back, sort of.
I want to do some blog housecleaning first. But I’m back and hope to start reading your blogs again over the next few weeks. So hello again and here’s to new beginnings 🌅

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September is National Suicide Prevention Month and National Suicide Prevention Week is September 8 -14, 2019 (in the United States).

Call a friend today and ask them how they are, how they really are. Be there to listen and support them. If you are in need of support, reach out, ask for it, don’t be afraid, you are not alone. Call someone, I promise it helps.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255

Veterans/Military Crisis Line
1-(800)-273-8255 and press 1

Vet to Vet Assistance 888.777.4443 or ONLINE

Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233

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Universal Responsibility

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Thought of the Week

Whether others are beautiful or ugly, benevolent or cruel, they are all sentient beings like us. And like us, they want to be happy and not suffer, which is their right, just like us. Recognizing that all beings are equal in their aspirations and their right to happiness, we feel a sense of empathy that brings us closer to them. As we get accustomed to this impartial altruism, we finally experience a sense of universal responsibility.

Summarized and adapted from Les voies spirituelles du bonheur, Presses du Chatelet, Paris, 2002; Points Sagesse, Seuil, 2004. English version: The Compassionate Life, Shambhala 2003

FOURTEENTH DALAI LAMA, TENZIN GYATSO (B. 1936)

Tag Me Tuesday

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Tag found on Starring Pamela so if you want to check that pin out, I’ll link it here.
Happy #BirthMay Pamela!!

20 Questions Blog Survey – Get to Know Me Better

1. Do you have any nicknames?

I did and I do. I used to be called gypsy. At the time that was what I went by anonymously on social media and it was my site identity for an old website I had. My family knows me as Suzi and when I used to write poetry I went by Suzen (which I have since started to pick back up again). Even considering a legal name change. But the nickname I’ve had the longest and the one some still know and call me by is Angel.

2. Are you named after anyone?

Not anyone. But I was named after a song that my Great Aunt loved called Susie Q. My Great Aunt Nany (Nancy) was more like my Grandmother than an Aunt. My Grandmother (Dads side) died very young and I never knew her and my Dads Aunt Nancy stepped up and took on the role.

3. Do you have any siblings?

Brother and sister, one of each.

4. Where did you grow up?

The suburbs of the Cleveland Ohio area.

5. What activities did you do in high school?

Hmmm. My first year of high school was the absolute worst. Once I settled in I was a rebellious cheer leader. I was the anti-cheerleader because I never fit into any of the norms of being a cheerleader lol. In my own quiet way I stood up for all the square pegs that didn’t fit into the round holes.

6. Where did you go to college?

I did not. Classroom education as in lectures and sitting for hours listening to someone talk was never a great learning experience for me. That’s changed over time, but I never had any real interest in college. Learning and education, yes, but college not so much.

7. What activities did you do in college?

N/A

8. What did you study in college?

N/A

9. What was your first job out of college?

N/A

10. What kind of music do you like?

I like a lot of different genre. I’m not a fan of country music at all. I don’t really listen to folk either. It all sounds like the same song to me. And I don’t delve too deep into rap. But I listen to everything from EDM to pop, r&b, metal, reggae, symphonic metal, ambient (meditation type music), house/trance and a bit of blues. I can appreciate opera and I like some musical theater.

11. What’s one hobby that you’d like to take up?

I plan to hike more than I have been. I’m hoping to take up violin soon and I would love to get back to pottery. I’ve been dabbling with learning Tibetan bowls lately.

12. What did you think you wanted to be when you grew up?

I wanted to be a songwriter. I used to write a lot of poetry that was written like song material. But I think I’ve since found different outlets for the emotions that writing soothed because i haven’t been inspired to write like that for a long time.

13. What’s the biggest project on your to-do list?

Career changes for sure. My Reiki certifications I feel are just the beginning of a holistic therapy focus in my life. I’m looking into coordinating fields of education. I had also been thinking of heading back to school to become a vet tech but I worry that doing that job would be too heavy for me emotionally on a day to day basis. And I’m still thinking of studying something along the lines of nutrition. Now it’s all a case of narrowing the focus and making a plan of action for career changing.

14. Do you have an irrational fears?

Yeah. I’m terrified of fake haunted houses that they set up at Halloween, but I have no fear when it comes to real ones lol. I’m also a huge ocean lover that still can’t swim. Why? Because I’m scared of drowning. I know, I know, it makes zero sense. Which is why this is the year I am conquering that!

15. Have you ever traveled outside the country? If so, where?

Canada is as far as I’ve been. But planning is always on the agenda!

16. When’s your next vacation and where are you going?

Next planned vacations aren’t really vacations. We are planning a trip to Ohio to visit family and a trip back to Virginia to see our friends back there. We are planning a short trip to Maryland (a weekender) and are loosely planning weekend trips to New York City and Philadelphia PA. But at the moment no long or faraway trips are in the planning stages for this year.

17. Do you speak any other languages?

Not yet 😉

18. What’s one talent that you wish you had?

I wish I could play an instrument!! I also want to learn Tai Chi or or Qigong.

19. What’s something that you wish you could do one more time?

I would love to go back and explore more of Canada. And I want to go back to Colorado with the hubby!

20. If you weren’t in your current job, what would you want to be doing?

That list is long…
nutritionist
vet tech
massage therapist
life coach
counselor/therapist
coffee shop owner
holistic healthcare practitioner
(multiple areas of focus for overall mind/body healthcare)
holistic business owner
aromatherapist

So that’s my 20 Questions to Get to Know Me Better tag! Let me know if you do this tag since I’d love to read it!!

Thanks for reading!

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Life Updates

 

 

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Life is getting pretty busy these days with the holistic health training’s I’m doing. And I don’t really plan on being a very active Arbonne Independent Consultant. In fact I took down most of what I posted about Arbonne products the last couple weeks because I just don’t have the time to put into being active with my business. It had been recommended to me that I add it to my blog. But after I did I realized the truth of the matter. Right now my business is sustaining itself just from word of mouth and my personal testimonials,  and that suits me just fine. As hard as I try I don’t have that MLM spirit in me lol.  But that being said I will always let people know I use the products and will help you find what’s right for you whether it be skincare, or a 30 day plan to change your nutrition habits, a new makeup makeover, or simply showing the best baby skin care you can get.

But in being honest with myself, it’s not the business direction I’m headed into. Eventually I want everything to mesh together as a whole holistic living package. I’m learning about essential oils and am super excited with how crystals and essential oils level up a Reiki session to another level. And in the end its not leaving me time to promote Arbonne the way I should as a consultant. For now I’m still an Independent Arbonne Consultant, and I will ALWAYS use the RE9 skin and body care lines, much of the cosmetics line and do often use items from the nutritional line. So if you need anything or are interested in what Arbonne has to offer as a company please just drop me a line or stop by the website!

 

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I’m taking my Crystal Healers exam tomorrow and will be adding that certification to my holistic resume. I’m super excited about that! And I’m delving into essential oils and maybe aromatherapy next! In a couple months I will be taking level 2 attunements and practicals for Holy Fire Reiki and Archangel Light Reiki. And I will be offering my Reiki services through The Spiritual Gift Shoppe’s Reiki Clinics to gain confidence in my practice. Not too distant plans are to rent out part of the shoppe as a start up for my own business. And late summer I plan to retake a Usui Reiki level one class with a new teacher here in another part of New Jersey. I’m not required to in order to be part of their Reiki Clinics, but I feel spiritually urged to work with a new teach from square one. Things are starting to pick up momentum as far as this new path I’m on and it’s becoming a dream come true for me.

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Loki’s medicine has been knocked down to one pill a day instead of two. I think his body is trying to adjust. But for the most part he is doing wayyyyyyy better than he was. He will never fully heal. It’s just something he’s always had issues with. But the treatment and diet change has made a world of difference and I know it’s made his life happier and longer. He’s not happy being the one cat in a one pet household now. But we aren’t sure how much borrowed time he’s on and we’d rather just focus on him for now.

I had a crazy dream the night before last that I was given a dog when my hubby was at work and I was trying to keep the dog hidden from him so he wouldn’t make me give the dog back lol.  In the dream I bonded with the dog instantly and felt my heart would shatter if he found out and I couldn’t keep him. I actually woke up so sad and ready to cry until I realized I was dreaming lol. Yes, I want a dog, and yeah my child mind wants it now. Then the adult brain kicks in and stops everything. *Sigh*

 

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Meanwhile the apartment is settling down from all the negative energy from Tinkas cancer. We did a whole apartment clean and sweep thing to try and get the icky feeling out and good healing energy for Loki back in. The energy feels more stable in here now.

Sorry the blog and my posts have been very random and in a state of friction with all the changes. I feel that the dust is starting to settle here too. Hope everyone’s having an awesome week and has some fun weekend plans to look forward to!

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Loki & Adjusting

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Some updates on Loki and adjusting;
A month later and finally seeing some hair growing back on his belly that they had shaved for his ultrasound. Pore guy will be dealing with IBD symptoms on and off forever. But he’s doing sooooo much better. He still, days later looks for Tinka Belle, he keeps thinking she’s in one of her hiding spots that he’s just never been graceful enough to enter. He sits and stares sometimes and I wonder if he sees her on the other side.
 
The apartment is a lot quieter with only one furbaby here now. I personally have NEVER in my life had less than 3 furkids at a time. I personally have said farewell in one way or another to 13 cats (including a mama cat who was picked up off the street in a blizzard, to have birth at my feet in the car), 3 dogs (two from childhood), 1 parakeet (from childhood), 1 iguana, and 3 angel fish.
 
We want to adopt a puppy, we’ve wanted to for a while now, but a we both agree Loki + puppy while Loki is trying to stabilize from serious chronic IBS is just not healthy for him.
 
Soooo, we decided, for now at least that Loki’s gonna be an only child a while. Loki’s always wanted to be in the spotlight with us. He’s always competed and would get super moody when others got attention.Our middle aged little man, awkward, clumsy, emotional, will now be spoiled rotten, heal and be taken with us on some adventures!
❤️
🐾❤️

xoxoe

©S.Halloran-runningtozen.org

Oracle Reading For Monday 4/22

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South Node – “Don’t let your past hold you back”

Is there any issues with past karma? Old karma, maybe years ago? Or even another lifetime? If you’re stuck. If you feel like you can’t move forward in something; a job, relationship, goal, task, etc…, past karma may be holding you back. Karma that’s maybe turned outward with things like overeating, smoking, other addictions, or even a toxic relationship. Past karma can come back to haunt you by repeating patterns of toxicity, over and over again until that past karma is resolved. This can point to obsessions. This card is calling for changes. Changes in these behaviors and for you to recognize it. 

Repeating behaviors that have not helped you achieve your goals are only going to keep repeating. You need a new focus, different actions. In many cases you may need to release the thing you obsess over that causes you to be stuck in limbo. 

If there are past retributions you can clear up; such as an apology that was never given, don’t you think it’s time to do so? If there is past karma that you still have the ability to clear, this is the sign you need to get it done!

ps….sorry the lighting and photo are bad. Busy day but I knew I wanted to start these readings today so I just hurried the photo. 

Weight Loss Motivation Tips

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◼️Create goals but make them manageable. Don’t set a goal that’s likely far in the future and don’t set one that’s to easy either. You’ll find that your goals may change over time, so make them small and short term.

◼️Imagine a fitter, healthier you. Imagine yourself fitting into those skinny jeans, or crossing that finish line. Focusing on actually accomplishing your goals will keep negativity at bay and allow you to push forward. Practice visualization for just 10 minutes a day simply by closing your eyes and picturing yourself getting healthier and slimmer, keying in on how you look and feel, and imagining a more confident, energized, and proud version of yourself.

◼️Always grocery shop with a list, and stick to the list!

◼️If you are going to indulge, remember the “rule of one”. One scoop, one piece, one bit, etc…

◼️Prep ahead. If you know you’re doing something that’s burning a lot of calories. Have a Shakeology available, or veggies & hummus. Healthy, low calorie, good nutrient snacks for when you feel like your energy’s been zapped and you get hangry!

◼️Create a vision board. It helps you to not lose sight of your goals during times you’re feeling low or struggling.

◼️Make a celebration as clothes get too big on you, donate them. This will make you feel good about your accomplishment and good about helping others from the sowing the seeds of your accomplishment!

◼️Do it for YOU. Don’t do it for your boyfriend, or your husband. Don’t do it to get that guy to notice you. You think that’s a real personal motivator, but it’s not. You have to do it for yourself. Because YOU want change, because YOU want better health.

◼️Don’t see rewards in the form of food or desert. Your rewards shouldn’t be food focused, ever. Let rewards be a new top, one size lower. Or go get your hair done, or a mani pedi. Massages are an awesome reward for working your body hard!

 

Ugly

Ted-Talk: Why thinking you’re ugly is bad for you

About 10,000 people a month Google the phrase, “Am I ugly?” Meaghan Ramsey of the Dove Self-Esteem Project has a feeling that many of them are young girls. In a deeply unsettling talk, she walks us through the surprising impacts of low body and image confidence—from lower grade point averages to greater risk-taking with drugs and alcohol. And then shares the key things all of us can do to disrupt this reality.

Love yourself first, as you are RIGHT NOW. That’s where you need to start.

Because It Doesn’t Matter

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When people are young they obsess over old people
And staying young
When people are middle aged
They obsess over their lost youth and getting old.
When people are old they obsess about young people
And getting old.
I say…. live your life and forget your age.
If you’re young you will then see the wisdom of the old
If you’re middle aged you will then embrace your life more fully.
If you’re old, it won’t matter, because it doesn’t matter!
💙
#liveyourlife #forgetyourage
XOXO